Sleepless in the Central Valley

"He should have started worrying before he had things to worry about."

~ Her Masters Voice, Act 1

Clare Kummer

(1888-1948)

The middle of the night and I am sleepless. After tossing and turning I rose from the bed, moved through the dark living room and found my chair in the office (rule number one: no lights on this time of night - NEVER wake the parrot up). I've browsed the blogs of the gentle writers (Morning Coffee and her friends). When fretting about the things that one will have to change, the things that can not be changed and those things that simply "go bump in the night' it is time to listen to the words of women who have a centered calmer approach to life. I do not share their religious beliefs but I value their thoughts about life.

On my mind are these things: 1) later today I will terminate the employment of a health care worker who has violated every level of trust at work: with co-workers, with me and with her patients. Trust is as essential to the profession of nursing as breathing in and out is to being human. She called me although she was asked not to have contact with the team during the investigation. Her calling is part of the problem. Do what you are suppose to do not what you want to do...but she does not understand that work boundary. She wants to know if she will lose her license. I can not answer that...I do not sit on the Board of Nursing. For that matter, I will not know until later today when I find out what kind of misconduct the BoN wants and needs to know in this State. 2) Some one in another entity would like me to work for them. so I learned last night. It would mean another move. A move that would take me to the Northwest. I love it there - trees, rain. clean air, something of a real winter (shorter and less severe that New England) and several friends who are the very heart of me. The things and most important, people I love and miss so much. I will hear these folks out. Moves are terribly expensive. It may not make finacial sense. Niether does fretting in the middle of night make sense but here I am, doing just that. Lastly. 3) my dear friend (she lives in NorthWest) has finished her chemotherapy treatment. I am so relieved for her and those of us who love her. She has been brave, humorous and her most usual logical self during this ordeal but even her logic has not always been a match for the rigors of chemotherapy. It is over now and her prognosis is excellent. I feel blessed to have her in my life and relieved that this part of her journey is come to completion. If I remain here in the Central Valley I work with good people...most of whom I admire and trust. I shall take vacation in a few weeks so there is much good to ponder ~ just needed to find it in the dark. Now back to bed for an hour and a half. The business of the new day will begin in earnest in the blink of an eye.